p 



A True Blue 
Yankee Lad. 



BY 



SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. 




PRICE 25 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. 



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"THE STARS AND STRIPES 
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BY SEYMOUR S. T/BBALS 



HERE is a ten minute dramatic reading 
with a climax that will cause a thrill. 
Suitable for a male or female reader and a 
number that will strengthen any program. 

We recommend it for any patriotic celebra- 
tion, commencement, alumni or civic banquet. 

The story deals with the manner in which 
the news of America's entrance into the war 
was received in a dugout in Belgium. A col- 
onel of artillery, a priest and an Irish- Ameri- 
can are the leading characters. You will 
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A TRUE BLUE YANKEE LAD 



A Play For Boys. 



By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS. 



Copyrisrht 1918, Eldridge Entertainment House 



Published by 



ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO. 



A .4?> 









CHARACTERS 

JACK DOR AN, a real American boy. 
ARTHUR MIDDLETON, his English cousin. 
FRANCOIS CORNELLE, a French boy, 
GUSTAVO MODENA, an Italian lad. 
ALONZO De VEGA, a Spaniard. 
LEON THEODOR, a Belgian. 
MARCUS LEVY, a Jew. 
PATRICK O'HARA, an Irish lad. 
IVAN LOMOSKI, a Russian. 
SCIPIO JOHNSON, an East Side darkey. 
TED WORRELL, son of a traffic cop. 
REGINALD De QUINCEY, the useless one. 






©CI.D 50840 



A True Blue Yankee Lad. 



ACT I. 



(A deserted loarehouse on the East River front. 
Plain setting with one window through which all the 
characters ent^r and exit. A few empty boxes 
serve as furniture, a few torn maps, war posters 
and time tables on the wall. Some litter of waste 
paper, packing boxes, cement sacks, etc., scattered 
about. At rise of curtain Gustavo is discovered 
seated on a box eating a banana, Marcus watching 
him enviously.) 

' Marcus — Are you goin* to eat it all? 

Gustavo — And why not? It's mine, isn't it? 

Marcus — Sure. But our law says we should divide 
with our brothers. 

Gustavo — Did you divide your banan wid me? 

Marcus — You had some when I finished. 

Gustavo — You ate lika de pig to get done first. Then 
you claima de law of divide, because I eata like a gen- 
tleman. 

Marcus— It was good business on my part. 

Gustavo — (takes last bite of his banana leisurely) 
Nota if you getta indigestion and hava to pay de doctor. 

Marcus — I should worry about the doctor if I get 
all of my banana and part of yours. 

Gustavo — But you did not. 

Marcus — Oh, well, I tried. My father says, "Mar- 
cus, you try, always try and then try some more." 

Gustavo — That's gooda advice for anybody. 

Marcus — We had a silver wedding at our house last 
week. 

Gustavo — Your parents haven't beena married 
twenty-fiva year. 

Marcus — No, not yet, but we needed the silver. 



Jf A Time Blue Yankee Lad 

Gitstavo — You're funny today. 

Marcus — Why not? Being solemn doesn't get you 
anything. 

Gustavo — It makes people thinka you are wise. 
Looka at Reginald De Quincey. 

Marcus — (goes up to Gustavo, after looking about 
carefully) Listen! If Jack Doran brings that owl 
around here again, I'll bet you there will be trouble. 

Gustavo — Why? DeQuincey is all right. 

Marcus — Yes, he is — not. I don't like him. 

Gustavo — He's always gotta de mon and he is free 
with it. 

Marcus — That's it. A boy our age shouldn't have 
money. And if he is lucky enough to have money he 
shouldn't waste it. 

Gustavo — Ought to save it up for a rainy day? 

Marcus — No, he should buy thrift stamps. 

Gustavo — Isn't thata spending it? 

Marcus — No, it's saving it and helping win the 
war. 

(Whistle heard outside. Leon and Francois ap- 
pear at window.) 

Francois — Anybody here yet? 

Marcus — No, only Gustavo. 

(Francois and Leon climb through the window) 

Leon — Where's Jack? 

Gustavo — Out buying Liberty Bonds. He's crazy 
about America winning de war. 

Leon — My father says it's time Uncle Sam was do- 
ing something. 

Francois — ^We had a letter from my uncle in France 
and he also says America must wake up. 

Gustavo — If they don't geta de move on de Italians 
will all be killed. 

Marcus — We are getting ready as fast as we can. 

Leon — ^We? What do you mean by we? 

Marcus — The Americans. 

Leon — You don't call yourself an American? 

Marcus — Sure. I'm an American. 

Francois — You are a Jew. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 5 

Marcus — Yes, but an American Jew. There are 
thousands of us and we're loyal, every one. You'll find 
us doing everything we can to help win the war. 

Gustavo — Your people will buya de Liberty bonds 
and War Savings Stamps because they are a gooda 
investment. 

Marcus — Yes, and we'll fight and we'll give to the 
Red Cross. You wait and see. 

Francois — Marcus is right. The Jews will do their 
part. 

Marcus — My brother Abe was the first man on our 
block to enlist. 

(Patrick O'Hara and Alonzo de Vega are heard 

outside.) 

Pat — Come, move on. Why are you hanging about 
here? 

Alonzo — Some one is inside. I think it must be 
thieves. 

Pat — Thieves, your grandmother. 

Alonzo — Then it is a secret meeting of the I. W. W's. 

Pat — Come on, I'll show you who they are. 

(Appears at windoiv with Alonzo.) 

Pat — Get on in, with ye. In ye go. (pushes Alonzo 
through the window.) 

Alonzo — (looks about.) Why there's Leon and 
Francois. 

Pat — (Climbing in) Do you know this fellow? 

Leon — Sure. It's Alonzo de Vega. His father runs 
the fruit store around the corner. He's a Spaniard. 

Pat — (Pushes Alonzo over on box) Sit down. 

Marcus — We don't want him here. 

Pat — Well he's here. And here he stays until Jack 
comes. 

Gustavo — He is not of the Allies. Throwa him out. 
(advances threateningly towards Alonzo.) 

Pat — Hands off. He's my prisoner. I caught him 
listening outside. Don't you touch him. 

Francois — He's an alien enemy. Jack told us to 
beware of alien enemies. Make him get out. 



6 A True Blue Yankee Lad » 

Pat — Hold on! Wait until Jack comes. We'll make 
him take the oath of allegiance. 
Marcus — You can't trust him. 
Pat — Shut up! ril be responsible for him. 

(Scipio Johnson appears at window) 

Scipio — Hello. 

Pat— (Picks up wad of paper and hurls it through 
window, as Scipio ducks.) Aw' hould still. You ain't 
got no right to duck that way. 

Scipio — (appears at window again) Is dat so? 

Pat — (hurling another wad which misses the win- 
dow) Stand up like a man. 

Scipio — (jumps through window and makes for 
Pat with a large razor) You! It's your turn to stand 
still. (Pat leaps aside as Scipio lunges at him) You 
ain't got no right to duck dat way. 

Pat — Seize him boys. He's dangerous. I was only 
foolin', Scip. 

Scipio — (putting away razor) Well, don't you fool 
no more. A nigger and a Irishman never could get along 
anyway, (looks about) What's doin'? 

Marcus — We're waiting for Jack. He said there 
would be a meeting here this morning. 

Ivan — (outside) Stop it! Stop it, I say. Quit 
shovin' me. 

Ted — (outside) Well, get a move on you then. If 
you ain't goin' in stand aside and let me pass. 

Ivan — (starts to climb through window) Let go 
my leg. I'll kick you in the face if you don't let go. 

Ted — (pushes him from behind) You kick me and 
see what happens. 

Ivan — (falls through window landing in a heap on 
the stage) Owitch! (sits up and rubs his head) Vot 
you do dat for? Somebody's always pickin' on me. 

Ted — (jumps through window) It's your own fault, 
Russia. You never know where you are going. You 
start in then you back out. You haven't got any mind 
of your own. 

Leon — Don't be too hard on him, Ted. He hasn't 
any home. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 7 

Ted — (pushes Ivan over with his foot) What are 
you good for, anyway? What do you do for a living? 
Ivan — I sell papers down on Bleecker street. 
Ted — Get up then and go back where you belong. 

(Ivan remains in crouching position as Jack 
Doran appears at window, unseen by Ted.) 

Ted — Do you hear me? Get up, you no-account 
Russian, (slaps Ivan.) 

^ack — (at ivindow) Stop that! You let that boy 
alone. 

Ted — What's it to you. Jack Doran? 

Jack — (jumps through window) I'm not going to 
see any big bully jump on a smaller boy. Shame on you. 
(Helps Ivan up.) 

Ted — You ain't got no call to interfere with me. 

Jack — Shut up. 

Ted — Do you know who I am? (Edging up to Jack) 

Jack — Sure,. I know who you are. You are Ted Wor- 
rell. A big bully. A fellow who picks on boys smaller 
than yourself. 

Ted — My father is a traffic cop. 

Jack — I don't care if your father is Chief of Police. 
That won't keep me from licking you if you pick on this 
little fellow again. (Ted walks off) What's your name? 

Ivan — I am Ivan Lomoski. 

Jack — A Russian? 

Ivan — My father came from Mogilef. My mother 
^was born in Leskovatz. 

Jack — (Leads Ivan to center of stage) Behold him, 
boys ! What do you see ? 

Ted — A dirty Russian Jew. 

Jack — Nothing of the sort. Here boys, is the thing 
the world is fighting for today. This lad's father was a 
Russian and his mother was a Serbian. Here is a hu- 
man soul seeking liberty and light. The child of the be- 
ginning and the end of the great world war. And we've 
found him away over here in America. 

Ted — Oh, cut out the lecture. Send the kid away. 

Jack — I will not, you pig-headed Irishman. There's 
something in this for you. 



8 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Scipio — What's it all about? I don't see no sense in 
getting all worked up over a ragged newsboy. 

Juck — ^You boys sit down. (All sit but Ted and 
Scipio) All of you. (Scipio drops to floor) Which 
includes you, Ted Worrell. 

Ted — I'd rather stand. 

Jack — Oh, all right. This is a free country. I only 
wanted you to be comfortable while I get an idea through 
your thick skull. 

All — Make him sit down. 

Jack — No. He is within his right if he wants to 
stand. As long as he does not interfere with others or 
injure himself, even an Irishman may do* as he pleases 
in America. 

Gustavo — Let us hava de lecture on de Bleeker 
streeta newsboy. 

Marcus — Tell us about the child of Liberty. 

Pat — And kape that nayger away from me. 

Jack—You know all about the big war in Europe, 
don't you? 

Francois — I don't think anybody knows all about it. 
But I guess we know more than some people. 

Jack — Where did it start? 

Leon — In Servia. 

Jack — The land where this boy's mother was born. 
What followed at the beginning of the war? 

Marcus — Russia threatened to go to the aid of Ser- 
via. 

Scipio — And Kaiser Bill said, "If you does I'll knock 
yer block off." 

Jack — You have the main ideas correct. Now^ what 
country was the first to give up the fight? 

Ted— Russia. 

Jack — ^The land where this, lad's father was born. 
What happened to Russia? 

Pat — She was buncoed. 

Scipio — She got the rinky dink. 

Alonzo — She was betrayed. 

Jack — That's better. Poor Russia was betrayed. 
And now the lands where little Ivan's father and mother 
were born are under the heel of the Prussian tyrants. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 9 

Pat — Let's save *em. 

Jack — That is what we are going to do. The sit- 
uation is not unlike the one that faced us when Scipio's 
grandparents were freed from slavery. You have heard 
that story, Scipio? 

Scipio — Surely. I read it in my history. 

Jack — Who was it that freed the blackman? 

Scipio — Abraham Lincoln. 

Jack — And who is going to free the Russians and 
the Servians and the Belgians and all the other down- 
trodden people of Europe? 

Scipio — Woodrow Wilson. 

Jack — In the main you have it right, Scipio. Actu- 
ally it was not Abraham Lincoln who freed the black 
man, nor will it be Woodrow Wilson, who will free the 
oppressed of Europe, but the people of the United States 
of America. 

Francois — You forget how my people, the French, 
have stood against the oppressor. 

Gustavo — And you giva no credit to my people, the 
Italians, who have driven back the invader. 

Leon — And what of my people, the Belgians, who 
held the enemy until France and England could awake. 
We lost our country but we saved the world. 

Jack — No, no, my friends. I would not forget one 
of our loyal allies. I would not take one jot of praise 
due them. They are gallant, they are brave, but it was 
the big brother across the sea who made their victory 
certain. 

Marcus-Bui all the men in the American armies are 
not Americans. 

Jack — Exactly right. In the American lines over 
there are men who belong to each of you. Scipio has 
whole regiments of them. That is the big idea. The Jew 
and Gentile, Catholic and Protestant, Negro and Cau- 
casian, Englishman, Irishman, Frenchman, Italian, any 
race, any creed, who has lived under the stars and 
stripes, should be willing to fight under it for world 
freedom. 

(Arthur Middleton appears at window.) 



10 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Jack — And there is the big, strong lusty daddy of 
us all. 

Marcus — Who? 

Jack — My cousin, Arthur Middleton, just over from 
England. Come in, Art. 

Arthur — All very well, but how do you get in? 

Pat — Hop through the window. 

Arthur — Oh, I say, don't you know! Haven't you 
any door? 

Jack — Listen to him. He wants to do things in the 
regular way. Can't jump through that window because 
he's used to going through doors but he can stand four 
years in a Flanders trench and tell the Hun he shall not 
pass. Three cheers for England. (They all cheer.) 

Arthur — I say, what's all the noise about? 

Jack — Come in and I'll tell you. 

Arthur — Through this dirty window? 

Jack — Sure. The rest of us did. 

Arthur — I'll wait for you outside. (Turns away.) 

Marcus — Isn't that like an Englishman? He'll 
do it the regular way or he won't do it at all. 

Jack — When the real history of the war is written 
the world will be amazed at what England in her dogged 
determination has done. 

Gws^avo— England is greata place but America is 
mucha greater. 

Jack — ^You like America, Gustavo? 

Gustavo — I lika New York. My father lika New 
York. The country where my father lived is near Brin- 
disi. My grandfather owned a farm but my father no 
wanta work. He look around. He come to America. 
Here everybody work — all mov-a-ment. Some time my 
father maka twenty dollar a week. He tell my uncle, 
and his friends in Italy. They donta pay no listen. Then 
my father go back to Italy, now my uncle here, too. He 
lika America. 

JoAik — But you, yourself, Gustavo. 

Gustavo — Oh, I would nota live any place but New 
York. 

Jack — How about you, Francois? Are you satisfied 
here? 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 11 

Fraruiois^Oh, I like it of course. But the noises of 
New York are so lonesome. Some times they make me 
want to go back to France. When I first learned a little 
English and went to the stores I found them very- 
strange. They do not bargain at all. You ask a man, 
"How much?" He tells you and as in Paris, you cry out 
and say, "Ah, never will I pay that, it is robbery." And 
the American shopkeeper says, "Then you need not buy 
it." He don't come down. He is independent. I find 
it strange but it saves time. Here there is no time, 
always you hurry, hurry, all like a machine. 

Jack — You've hit the nail on the head, Francois. 
The big thing about an American is his independence. 
He gets that from his English ancestors. And you, 
Leon, my friend from Belgium, how have you found it 
in the United States? 

Leon — My first year in America was terrible. When 
I saw the Statue of Liberty the day we landed, I thought 
it meant a welcome to all. I was very young and did not 
understand. Today it is different — today I know what 
it means to be an American. But at first I was home- 
sick. My father wouldn't let me go out alone, so all 
day I sat in the tenement, making paper flowers. I met 
no one. Then one day my father took me to the Church 
of all Nations to join the Red Cross knitting class. 

Pat — I've been there. It is a grand place. 

Leon — All the other boys and girls knew so much 
about America that I was ashamed. So I joined a class 
— ^to learn about this country and what to do with my 
vote when I grow up. Then I met you. Jack, and now I 
am so happy. 

Jack-— You are catching the American spirit, Leon. 
Here we do not keep boys shut up making paper flower.^. 
We turn 'em loose and they learn very young to take 
care of themselves. And you, Marcus? 

Marcus — Oh, I'm crazy about America. 

Jack — Be sensible. Tell us what you, as a Jewish 
boy, think is the biggest thing in America. 

Marcus — The best thing in the U. S. A. is that edu- 
cation costs nothing. 

Ted — That suits Marcus. Something for nothing. 



12 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Marcus — Always the same. The Irish and the Amer- 
ican make us unhappy. You look down on us and make 
us feel in the way. So at first America is a big disap- 
pointment to the Jewish immigrant. But after we are 
here a year we learn that your hearts are kind. That 
you love to bark but seldom bite and that here you really 
have free education, free speech, freedom for all kinds 
of religion, freedom for women, happiness for children, 
riches, automobiles, electric lights in the homes and 
everything for the fellow who goes after it. 

Ted — And believe me, little Marcus will get his. 

Marcus — Why shouldn't I? I behave myself. I do 
not swear or smoke or play the slot machines. I work 
and study and save my money. 

Ted — You bet you save your money. 

Jack — And that is a lesson we may all learn from 
Marcus. The war is teaching us thrift and economy, 
something America needed to learn. How many of you 
fellows have bought thrift stamps? (All hands go up 
hut Scipio's and Alonzo's.) 

Jack — What's the matter with you, Scip? Hasn't 
bootblacking been good? 

Scipio — Oh, business is all right, but my luck was 
all wrong. 

Jack — Didn't you buy any thrift stamps? 

Scipio — Sure, oh, yes, I bought 'em. 

Jack — Then why haven't you any now? 

Scipio — I lost 'em. 

Jack — How ? 

Scipio — Same old way I lose everything. 

Pat — Rollin* the bones. 

Jack — You mean gambling? Shooting craps? 

Scipio — (Nods, then hangs his head) But Fm gwine 
quit. 

Jack — It's the curse of your race, Scipio Johnson. 
You colored people work hard but you just can't keep 
your money. Aren't you ashamed? What did you buy 
thrift stamps for? 

Scipio — To save my money. 

Jack — No you didn't. You bought 'em to help the 
boys over there and ijiow you've lost 'em shootin' craps. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad IS 

Scipio — Well, Uncle Sam's got my two bits, ain't 
he? 

Jack — (Laughing) Yes, Scip, and your heart is in 
the right place but you've got a lot to learn. And why 
haven't you got any thrift stamps^ Alonzo de Vega? 

Alonzo — (surlily) Don't want any. It ain't my war. 

All— WhaV, 

Pat — I told you he was no good. 

Ted- — Let's beat up on him. 

Scipio — Throw um in de ribber. 

(Boys get up and gather about Alonzo) 

Jack — (Pulling him away from them) Hands off. 
Let's hear what he has to say first. 

Marcus — Why waste time? 

Francois — Put him out, Jack. 

Jack — Wait! Listen Alonzo. What do you mean 
by this is not your war? 

Alonzo — My country is neutral. 

Leon — What is your country? 

Alonzo — Spain. 

Marcus — What ! 

Alonzo — (showing anger) Spain. You heard me. 
Just because you haven't any country doesn't mean that 
I haven't any. 

Jack — Shame on you, Alonzo. Sit down boys, we'll 
have to talk to this fellow. (All sit.) 

Alonzo — You needn't waste your breath. I'm go- 
ing to get out of here. (Starts for window.) 

Pat — (Jumping up bars the way) No yer not. F 
brought ye in here and you're going to stay until Jack 
Doran says you can go. 

Alonzo — Who'll keep me? I didn't ask you if I 
could come in this old warehouse and I won't ask you if 
I can go out. 

Francois — (takes Alonzo by the arm and leads him 
up to Jack) Better quiet down and hear what Jack's 
got to say. 

Jack — You're wrong in this, Alonzo. 

Alonzo — Of course. Anybody that doesn't agree 
with you Yanks is always wrong. You make me tired. 



14, A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Ted — (Getting up,) Let me soak 'im, just once. 
Will you? 

Pat — (Sitting down) Go on, Jack. Let 'em go for 
three rounds anyhow. 

Almizo — I don't want to fight. 

Jack — And I don't intend you shall. Sit down, Ted 
Worrell. You're always stirring up a scrap. Let your 
Uncle Sam settle this. (Ted sits,) 

Alonzo — (Sneeringly) Your Uncle Sam! That's it. 
Your Uncle Sam knows it all, he is the big I am. 

Ivan — Don't make him mad, Alonzo. He's terrible 
when he's mad. 

Leon — He whipped old Spain once. 

Alonzo — He stole Cuba from us. 

Jack — That will do. You are still living in the dark 
ages, Alonzo. 

Alonzo — ^You butted in on this war. My father 
says so. 

Jack — ^We did not wish to fight Germany. She made 
the attack on us. 

Alonzo — Away over in Europe. That's too thin. 

Jack — ^Yes, away over in Europe. Not on our shores, 
but on our ships, our lives, our rights, our future. For 
two years or more we held to a neutrality that mader^us 
make excuses for things which were against our sense of 
fair play and humanity. 

Alonzo — You talk like a book. Where did you get 
that stuff? 

Jack — It's true. 

Alonzo — A lot of people don't believe it. 

Pat — He says yer a liar. f 

Ted — Let me soak him. Please, just once. 

Leon — He's pro-German. 

Francois — Put him out. 

Gustavo — Let's pulla his ears. 

Scipio — I tole you what to do. Drap 'um in d6 
ribber. 

(Boys get up and threaten Alonzo,) 

Jack — Stand back! This is serious. Alonzo has 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 15 

heard some one else talk that way. We must help him 
to see the truth. 

Marcus — Oh, what's the use? 

Jack — A great deal, Marcus. That's just it. We 
must be patient and teach those who do not understand. 

Scipio — Better drap 'um in de ribber. He ain't no 
good. 

Jack — Every human being is some good, Scip. The 
world is just waking up to that fact. 

Alonzo — I don't want to know any more about you. 
I want to get out of here. 

Jack — In a minute, Alonzo. Boys, I have an idea. 
Will you help me see it through? 

AU — Sure. 

Jack — There is going to be a big patriotic meeting 
at the Church of all Nations a week from next Sunday 
night. Let us get up a little play and put it on that night 
showing why America went into the war. In that way 
we can show Alonzo and his friends who do not under- 
stand America. 

Pat — I'm no actor. 

Ted — I'd rather beat it into him. 

Scipio — I'd rather drap 'um in de ribber and be done 
wid it. 

Marcus — ^Who is going to write the play? 

Francois — Why, Jack, of course. 

Jack — No. I'll be the stage manager. Marcus shall 
write the play. 

Leon — Shall it be in costume? 

Gustavo — Oh, yes, let's dress up. 

Jack — It will be as our playwright says. We will 
all do as Marcus wishes. 

Scipio — Let me be a beautiful lady, Marcus. 

Marcus — You shall be the Greek slave in black face. 

Ted — I think I am going to like it. 

Alonzo — Do you have to pay to get in? 

Jack — No. It will all be free and we will give 'the 
play on the church lawn. 

Pat — When do we rehearse? 

Marcus — Day after tomorrow. 

Leon — Where? 



16 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Jack — Back of the church. 

Francois — ^What time? 

Marcus — Be there at four o'clock. 

Pat — And don't forget to make Alonzo salute the 
flag in your play, Marcus. 

Jack — Oh, Alonzo will salute the flag all right. 

Alonzo — I will not. 

Scipio — ^Then we'll drap 'um in de ribber sure 
enough. 

CURTAIN 



ACT II. 

(Lawn in the rear of the Church of all 
Nations. Marcus is seated at a table writing hur- 
riedly. Sheets of paper are strewn about. Jack Doran 
paces up and down reading portions of a manu- 
script. Scipio, dressed in a Boy Scout's uniform, is 
studying on the ground.) 

Jack — (Stops in front of Marcus) Look here, Mar- 
cus. This sort of stuff won't do. (reads) "At this 
moment we are in grave danger from paid propaganda, 
circulated in this country by certain political organiza- 
tions which has gained wide circulation under the pre- 
tense of a kind of American sentiment." 

Marcus — Well, what's the matter with it? 

Jack — It's too heavy. The boys won't get it and 
besides, you never wrote it. You cribbed that, Marcus, 
from some state paper. 

Marcus — Every fellow; that writes a play steals 
something. 

Jack — But why take such a hunk as that? You 
don't understand it yourself. 

Marcus — I do too. 

Jack — What does it mean? 

Marcus — It means Germany has paid some people 
to tell a lot of lies that the Americans believe are true. 

Jack — Then say it that way. Even Scip can under- 
stand that, but he never would get this stuff. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 17 

Marcus — (Getting up) If you don't like what I've 
written you write the play yourself. 

Jack — Oh, don't get sore. 

Marcus — Well, it's mighty easy to find fault and it's 
mighty hard to write a good play. 

Jack — That's so. And it's mighty hard to direct a 
play. Your stuff's good, Marcus, but you have copied 
it frohi government bulletins and it will never go with 
the boys. 

Scipio — What he's done wrote down for me to say» 
T know won't nebber go. Why he's got words here I 
nebber had in my mouf befo'. 

Jack — Let's hear it, Scip. 

Scipio — (Gets up and reads) A vie — victor — victor- 
ious Germany, with the — power and — and — ^p-r-e-s — 
pres — t-i-g-e — whatever that is — mixed with Germany's 
in — d-o-m — indom — i-t — it — indomit — a-b-l-e. (Throws 
away his sheet of paper j Oh, shoot such stuff! The 
war will be over before I eber learn it. I ain't goin' to 
be in de play. 

Jack — (Laughing) No, Scip, it won't do. You are 
right about that. 

Marcus — (Angrily tears up his sheets) You fel- 
lows can write a play yourselves. I'm done. 

Jack — You were done before you started, Marcus. 
You haven't the first idea of a real play. The best play 
is a simple one that everybody can understand. Copying 
pieces from government bulletins wouldn't make a play. 

Marcus — All right, Mr. Smarty. Let's see what 
kind of a play you can write. 

Jack — I won't write one. I won't even try. 

Marcus — Then the entertainment is off. You are a 
quitter. 

Jack — No, the entertainment isn't off. We'll just 
have a real boy's entertainment about the war. 

Scipio — I wants to be General Pershing. Let Mar- 
cus be Kaiser Bill and I'll kill 'um. 

Marcus — Won't there be any parts? 

Jack' — ^Sure. 

Marcus — Where are they? Who is going to write 
them? 



18 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Jack — Nobody. We'll just make it up as we go 
along. 

Marcus — Some play. I'll bet it will be a peach. 

Jack — At least it will be our own and won't be 
cribbed. 

(Enter Ted, Pat, Francois and Leon, carrying 
bundles containing costumes.) 

Pat — Where's my dressing room? 

Ted — ^Who's the manager of this troupe? 

Leon — Let me see my part. Is it a strong one? 

Francois — The only costume I could get was an old 
dress of my sister's. Let me be the queen. 

Marcus — There ain't no queen in the play. 

Francois — No queen? 

Marcus — No. No queen. No anything. No play. 

Pat — Whadda ye mean, no play? 

Jack — Marcus is right. His play is rejected. 

Scipio — It couldn't be gibben. It was rotten. All 
about indomitable press somefin. 

(Enter Gustavo, Ivan and Alonzo.) 

Gustavo — (Carrying a guitar.) I ain't a-goin' to be 
in de play. I'm de music. 

Alonzo — (Carrying mandolin.) I also am in the band. 

Jack — Good. Now we're getting started. What are 
you, Ivan? 

Ivan — (Opens bundle and puts on a gay curtain and 
pasteboard crown.) I am to be Russia. 

Pat — Then I'll be Kerensky! (Knocks off the crown) 
You're free, Ivan, you're free. There ain't no crown in 
Kussia. 

Jack — That's good stuff, but you are too soon, Pat. 
Wait until it's time. (Picks up croivn and places it on 
Ivan's head.) 

Ivan — You can't be Kerensky. Kerensky was a good 
man and you — you — you're Irish. 

Ted — I'll have you understand an Irishman is as 
^ood as a Russian any day. 

Ivan — They are not, either. 

(Ted starts to shake Ivan as Alonzo and Gus- 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 19 

tavo begin strumming instruments and Scipio 
begins to da'nce. Jack rushes in to separate Ted and 
Ivan.) 

Marcus — (Loudly) Oh, what a beautiful play. 

(Enter Arthur Middleton and Reginald De 
Quincey.) 

Arthur — What's the row? 

De Quincy — Yes, what's the idea? I heard you were 
getting up a play for a patriotic meeting. 

Arthur — Looks more like a bally riot. 

Jack — (Pulling Ivan away from Ted.) I just don't 
seem able to keep Ireland from fighting with Russia. 

De Quincy — Is that in the play? 

Scipio — There ain't no play. 

Arthur — No play? 

Marcus — Manager rejected it. Turned me down, 
cold. 

De Quincy — I say then, let's have a pageant. Lots 
more fun and lots less work. 

Jack — Not a bad idea, Reginald. 

Scipio — What's a pageant? 

Francois — Oh, ze pageant. It is beautiful. So grand, 
so — so — 

Scipio — Yes, but what is it? 

Leon — Why, a pageant — don't you know Scip? A 
pageant is like the parade around the ring in a circus. 

Scipio — I got you ! Like a — like a — cake walk. 

Arthur — Well, a little more classy than that. 

Jack — A pageant is an exhibition, a show, where 
you have a parade and act out some event in history. 

Pat — Ain't there no parts? 

De Quincy — Sure. Very important parts, but no dia- 
logue. Just pantomime. 

Pat — Nothin' to learn? 

Jack — Only what you are to do. 

Pat — Then I'm strong for a pageant. 

Ted— Me too. I'll carry a flag. 

Arthur — What shall we call it? 



20 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Jack — Uncle Sam's Ultimatum or the Downfall of 
the Kaiser." 

Alonzo — There you go again. It's always Uncle Sam 
telling everybody else what to do with you. 

Arthur — I agree with de Vega. We're all in this, 
you know. 

Scipio — Yes, but the true blue Yankee lad is the boss. 

Alonzo — De Quincy suggested the pageant. Let him 
direct it. 

Jack — By all means. I'm willing. 

De Quincy — Oh, I couldn't do that. It is too much 
like work. I'll be the audience. 

Leon — Let Reggie play the part of a Liberty Bond. 

Pat — A Liberty Bond is too useful. Let him be the 
armistice. 

De Quincy — You think you're smart. 

Jack- — Well, what shall we call it? 

Arthur — The Allies of Freedom. 

Leon — That's good. I'll be King Albert. 
' Francois — And I'll be General Foch. 

Gustavo — I'll be General Diaz. 

Jack — Who'll be the Kaiser. 

(All look about and no one answers.) 

Jack — We've got to have someone for the Kaiser. 

Alonzo — I'll be the Kaiser. You can't all bluff me. 

Reggie — (Opens bundle he has brought in.) Here's 
a uniform will do for you, Alonzo. (Puts long, ivhite 
cape and helmet on de Vega.) 

Alonzo — (Strutting about.) Hoc der Kaiser. All 
you fellows salute me and make a low bow. 

Pat — Yes, we will not. Who do you think we are? 

Alonzo — That isn't it. It doesn't make a bit of dif- 
ference who you are. It is who I am that counts. 

Ted^rla that so? Well you're little Alonzo de Vega, 
and you needn't get fresh because you're goin' to be the 
Kaiser in our show. 

Jack — ^Here, no wrangling now. This pageant hasn't 
anything to do with the Kaiser's power. That was all 
before the time of the pageant. 

Gustavo — Yes. Thees is a up-to-date show. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 21 

Alonzo — Whadda ye mean by that? 

Jack — The pageant takes place at the close of the 
war. 

Scipio — After President Wilson told you where to 
head in. 

Alonzo — Then I won't be the Kaiser. (Goes down to 
R. 1. E.) 

Reggie — Oh, yes, you will. You agreed to. 

Arthur — Come on Alonzo, be game. No Kaiser, no 
pageant. 

Ivan — Course not. You can't get up a show with- 
out a villain. 

Alonzo — Well, what do I do? 

JoAik — Let's see. (Thinks a moment.) Let's have a 
trial scene. I saw one once at the theater in *The Mer- 
chant of Venice." It was great. 

Arthur — Ripping idea. Jack. The Kaiser on trial 
before the allied nations. 

Reggie — Not bad. Think it out. Jack. The audi- 
ence will sit over here. (Goes to L, 1 E. and sits on the 
stage.) 

Jack — All right. Now you fellows who belong to the 
Allies each get your country's flag. 

Arthur — Another ripping idea but where do we get 
them? 

Marcus — I brought them. They were to be a part 
of the ending of my play if Jack had only let me finish. 
I've got the flags. (Steps off stage and returns at once 
with bundle containing British, French, Italian, Belgian, 
Russian and American flags which he distributes to the 
proper characters.) 

Leon — (As they all wave flags) Begins to look like 
a real pageant, now. 

Reggie — (Applauds.) Bravo ! The audience is wak- 
ing up. 

Francois — Now what do we do next? 

Pat — Where do the Irish come in? We've got to 
have something to do. 

Arthur — Make them policemen. 

Marcus — A ripping idea, Middleton. There are two 
helmets and two clubs in that bag over there. I was 



22 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

going to have two policemen and let them do a song and 
dance. 

Scipio\ — Cut out the song. If anybody sings, I do. 

Reggie — This isn't a minstrel show. It's a pageant. 

Jack — (As Pat and Ted appear with helmets and 
clubs.) That's good. Now when we march in you two 
policemen come first and take your places at each side of 
the throne of Justice. 

Gustavo — Where's the throne? 

Marcus — We got to have a throne. 

Scipio — There's an empty barrel at de dago's 
around de cornah. 

Francois — Justice never sits on an empty barrel. 

Leon — Let's get one of the pulpit chairs from the 
church. 

Arthur — Ripping idea. Splendid. Let's get it. 

Jack — All right. Brother Welles won't care, I know. 
We'll put it back after rehearsal. (Pau^eJ Well, some- 
body get the chair. I can't do everything. 

Ivan — Arthur said, "Let's get it." 

Arthur — I made the motion. Someone else must do 
it. 

Scipio — Lazy. 

Reggie — Come on. Hurry up. Audience is getting 
impatient. 

Jack — Who'll get the chair for the throne? 

Marcus — Send the policemen. They ain't workin'. 

Jack — Ted and Pat, go get a chair from the church. 

T&d — Is them orders? 

Jack — Yes. Hurry up. 

(Exit Ted and Pat. They do a funny little 
drill about the stage then march off R. U. E.) 

Leon — Who will be Justice? 

Francois — Yes. Who will sit in the chair and judge 
the Kaiser? 

Scipio — I'll be the judge. 

Marcus — You will not. Who ever heard of a colored 
judge? 

Gustavo — I think America should be the judge at 
the trial. 



I * • 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 23 

Arthur — Ripping idea! The United States will sit 
on the throne of Justice and the allied nations of Europe 
will appear against the Kaiser. 

Ivan — Let Jack dress up as Uncle Sam. 

Marcus — Got an Uncle Sam coat and hat in the bag. 
Was going to have Uncle Sam in my play if you had let 
me finish it. 

Jack — If you are all agreed. I'll be Uncle Sam. 

(Jack goes to bag and takes out Sam*s plug hat 
and a long-tailed coat, made of an American Hag. 
While he is doing this Pat and Ted bring in a high- 
backed chair. Alonzo has been standing down K. 1 
E., sullenly watching the proceedings.) 

Pat — Where do you want the throne? 

Jack — (Coming down.) Put it in the center. Here. 

Ted — I hope you don't take a notion to use a piano 
in this pageant. (They take off helmets, wipe their brows 
and stand one on each isde of the chair.) 

Jack — I think this is going to be good, boys. Now, 
we'll plan it all out. 

Marcus — 'Tain't half as good as my play would have 
been. 

Scipio — (Laughs loudly) Couldn't nothin' been more 
worse than dat play. 

Reggie — Some comedian, that Scipio. 

Jack — (Takes position in throne chair.) Now listen, 
boys. There are some things in this pageant that you'll 
have to learn for yourselves. I'll tell you what to do, but 
what you've got to get, if this show is to be of any real 
use is the spirit of the thing. 

Scipio — Is they goin' to be a ghost in it? Then count 
me out. 

Jack — Maybe some of you are smart enough to know 
what I mean by the spirit of the thing. No, Scipio, there 
ain't going to be any ghost. What I mean by spirit is 
this. There ain't no you and there ain't no me; there's 
just y^! And we're getting up this pageant to show the 
folks of the East Side that here in America we're living 
together under the flag of the finest country on earth. 



^^ A True Blue Yankee Lad 

Reggie — (Applauds) That's a good speech. Put it 
in the pageant. 

Marcus — I had a speech like that in my play. 

Scipio — 'Twasn't in my part. 

Alonzo — You seem to be forgetting all about the 
Kaiser. 

Leon- — You don't come in until the end. 

Pat — No, Emperor Wilhelm. That's what you are — 
the end. 

Alonzo — ^You fellows make me tired. I'm to take the 
part of the Kaiser, the biggest man in the world, and you 
treat me like a bootblack. 

Scipio — Don't you say nothin' agin a bootblack. I'm 
as good as you are. 

Alonzo — Oh, hardly. I've got the leading part in 
this pageant and you let me stand here and wait while 
the rest of you make up your minds what you want to 
do. I won't be in your show. 

Jack — Come, Alonzo. We have to plan. I just told 
you there mustn't be any you or any me, just us. We 
can't get along without team work. 

Alonzo — Well, I want you to understand I don't have 
to wait on anybody. If you can't make up your mind 
about the pageant, I'll run it myself. I'll show you what 
to do. 

Arthur — Oh, no you won't, Mr. Kaiser. The rest 
of us have got something to say about the way things 
should be done. 

Alonzo — But you don't know how. You've fooled 
away a lot of time and you haven't got started. There has 
got to be a head, someone to lead. Now, I'll lead. I'm 
smarter than you are. I know more than all the rest of 
you put together. 

Reggie — Gee! Ain't he just like the real Kaiser. 

Leon — (As Alonzo starts toward the throne) Don't, 
Alonzo. Don't spoil everything. 

Alonzo — (Pushes him roughly aside.) Get out of my 
way, you little Belgian. I'm going to run this show. 

Francois — (Steps up.) Don't be rough, Alonzo. Lis- 
ten to reason. 

Alonzo — (Pushes him roughly aside) You, too. 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 25 

Frenchy. Get out of my way. It's time somebody took 
hold who knew something. 

Arthur — (Steps up.) Don't lose your head. Just 
because you are the Kaiser, you can't bluff me. I tell 
you now, you are starting something you can't stop. 

Alonzo — You, too, old Johnny Bull. Well, let me tell 
you something. You had better keep out of this. I'm not 
afraid of you. 

Jack — Come, Alonzo. Don't spoil everything. We 
are getting up this show in a good cause. We're all 
just neighborhood boys together. Let us have peace 
and go on with the rehearsal. I'll plan it all out if 
you'll only give me time. 

Alonzo — Only give you time. That's the trouble 
with you Yankees. Always putting things off. Always 
afraid of getting in a row. You want to have your own 
way, be let alone so you can sleep and take things easy. 
Well, I'll wake you. Uncle Sam. You'll give this show 
my way or there won't be any show. (Pushes past 
Jack) 

Ivan — Please, Alonzo, Mr. Kaiser. Be good. Don't 
break up the pageant. 

Alonzo — (Shoves Ivan rudely aside.) Get out, you 
Russian kid. What do you know about it? You haven't 
any place in this except to take orders from me. I'm 
sick of standing around waiting for the rest of you to 
get up a little peace play. 

Gustavo — I'va been your friend, Alonzo, but if you 
are goin' to act this way I don't want any thing to do 
with you. 

(Alonzo throws himself into throne chair.) 

Arthur — (Going up to him) Get out of that chair, 
de Vega. We want it for Uncle Sam. 

(Alonzo makes no reply.) 

Jack — (Going up to chair) Alonzo, have you taken 
that chair to keep us from having it? 

(Alonzo sits sullenly silent.) 

Jack— We brought that chair here to use in our 



26 A True Blue Yankee Lad 

play. We want it and we have a right to it. You ought 
to get up and give it to us. 

Alonzo — Well, I will, by and by, when I get ready. 

Jack — (Looks sternly at Alonzo and then turns to 
others.) Boys, come with me. 

(They all withdraw to right of stage, leaving 
Alonzo pouting in the chair.) 

Jack — Boys, we have got into a difficulty. What 
do you think we had better do? 

Arthur — I think he ought to give up the throne. 

Jack — Yes, that is very plain. But what shall we 
do? 

Pat — Let me knock 'im out of it. 

Jack — No, we have not done anything wrong, our- 
selves, yet; and we will try not to do anything wrong. 
We will let the wrong be all on his side — the whole of it 
— from the beginning to the end. But what can we do 
that will be right? 

Leon — We can take the throne away from him. 

Jack — Yes, I think that would be right. We have 
a right to the throne chair. We can go and pull it away 
from under him and tumble him out upon the ground. 

Scipio — Golly! Let's do that. Come on. 

Jack — Wait. Another plan would be to make him 
a prisoner, for a rebel as he is. He is spoiling our plans 
and robbing us of our property. We can go and seize 
him and tie him to a tree, and keep him there a pris- 
oner, until we are ready to go home; and then we can 
let him go. 

Marcus — That's a good idea. Let's do that. 

Jack — Or, we can all agree that we will not speak a 
word to him all day. We can go back and go on with 
our business, and pay no attention to him at all — not 
answer any of his questions, or speak to him, or pay 
any attention to him whatever. 

Arthur — Not a bad idea. He would feel that. 

Francois — Boys, you are all wrong but Pat. When 
a fellow acts like the Kaiser is acting there is only one 
thing to do. He is selfish and piggish. He is spoiling 



A True Blue Yankee Lad 27 

our play. We have tried long enough to get along with 
him; now there is only one thing to do. 

Scipio — Throw um in de ribber. 

Francois — No. Take the throne away from him 
and go on. 

Arthur — That's all there is to it. 

Jack — ^You know, boys, I've tried to do the right 
thing. I've wanted peace, but if the Kaiser won't behave 
like the rest of us, Uncle Sam says, "out he goes." 

Scipio — Come on den. No use foolin' any longer. 

(Scipio, Ted, Pat and Leon rush up to chair 
and drag Alonzo out.) 

Alonzo — Quit. You're hurting me. I'll be good. 
I'll do as you say. 

Jack — It's too late now. Take him away, boys. I 
guess the rest of the world can get along without the 
Kaiser. 

(Pat and Ted lead Alonzo off, Scipio following, 
prodding him in the back.) 

Reggie — (Getting up.) That's the best thing in 
the show. 

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